Sick
Playing the same song over and over again, the sound of the 80s music is transing my brain into a comfortable hold. I am finally living with my sickness in public, and by public I mean between myself and me. I never thought things will end up where they did. I barely remember what year this one is.
The viruality of modern life has rendered life distant, giving you a tasteless illusion while robbing you of your time. Governments are chasing drug dealers and smugglers, but the worst addiction of them all is right under their noses. Mankind has agreed to permit few long term addictions that can unnoticeably rob life of its essence. Thinking makes me ill, love makes me sick while death is the only meaningful relief. I need to die and live once again, …
September 14, 2009 | Categories: Emotions, Journal, Metaphoric, Thoughts | Leave A Comment »
Revive
The warmth of the sun softly heated the skin of my face as I weakly breathed. Another revived from the stillness of death. I slowly opened my eyes to the brightness of the skies after such a long dark sleep. My senses are keen for life though my body has been frozen for decades. Faint beat is hope, yet loud is the fear. I have seen the worse of life, nothing can scare me now. If my worst fears were a broken heart then I believe it wont be broken beyond how it is now. But wait, I am revived. Things are different now. Way much different.
That which was broken is now whole. Him who was once rejected is now the desire of many. He we was never mentioned is now existing . He who was worried is now free. He breathes; walks and smiles.
May 18, 2009 | Categories: Emotions, Metaphoric, Spiritual, Thoughts | Leave A Comment »
Home of Serpents
I never expected that my home, is the cave of my enemies. The ones I helped in times of need, stood for when I was called and walked many ways just to help and support. Stabbed in the back, betrayed, lied to, ignored, disrespected and envied. Now the things I have are the center of conflict while everything I had I used to serve them all. If they would switch places and things they would know they were the lucky ones. But it seems like the eye never has enough, and the envious is never satisfied! What did I do to deserve all that? Where is my guilt? My heart aches. One day I will go and shall never return. Would it matter? I am already out. I am their enemy, their envy, their rival. Doesn’t matter. It really doesn’t.
April 17, 2009 | Categories: Emotions, Journal, Metaphoric, Thoughts | Leave A Comment »
Soldier
Shields up! I cover my eyes in darkness, block my figure beyond refined earth. I root my feet into rocks and grab my weapon hard till it sticks to my hand. I have not learned to move back, I never knew how to flee. I was born for battle and raised to face death. I give my all and sacrifice my own. My life ends up in the fulfilment of my duty and my time stops at the end of my race. I do not fear death, nor future. Care not for pain or the price, A blood bond that cannot be broken. I serve my kingdom and my LORD. Failure I do not know and defeat I never heard of. In all my ways I strike fear in my enemies and through all my conflicts I triumph. I know who I am and so does all my enemies, only the ignorant overlook me. May wisdom come upon you that you may see beyond the shadows I have harbored on my face and the curtains of earth that I bury beneath, and then you will witness things you never expected. But who is wise? Who is understanding to seek and see? O FATHER! What have they done? I stand alone, I stand! One man army and a thousand men in power, One man and ten thousand men in multitude. I was made to change things, created for a turn over, the breaking of the new and the restoration of the ancient. I bear the truth that was once lost and will disperse the deceit of what is. Not long then it shall be, even the blind will know. It will be done.
March 22, 2009 | Categories: Metaphoric, Spiritual | Leave A Comment »
End of story
People want things, things satisfy people.
Everyone seeks something, if it’s something you have then they take it and as soon as it’s in their hands, the are long gone. If this thing they want is you, then they possess you and cripple you till they make sure you go nowhere, making sure you need them and can’t live without them. They call this love sometimes and other times selfishness, depending on who’s side the judge is and what crimes has he committed before! We are all humans, right? We need and crave things. I guess I don’t have to be judgemental in my tone but I don’t care maybe this is my problem, bear it as much as you bear all things. It’s a very stupid game and is not interesting anymore. People run to you, you smile and then they act nice, you enjoy it then the next thing you know is that they take what’s in you topcket and they walk away. “Thank you very much really” isn’t that what I am supposed to say? well not any more. I will be rude for once in my life. That’s the end of the story.
March 4, 2009 | Categories: Emotions, Metaphoric, Thoughts | Leave A Comment »
She will nerver understand…
She will never understand. Though ages have past and distances have put us a part, winter and that cold senseless snow, silent winds upon the desert sand, unstoppable heat of the blinding sun, long nights of solitude; something still brings her image to my mind. I love without want, smile without hope and dream but not hold. A road that winds, twists and curls around into an endless maze of questions, anger and doubt and still; my feet push me further. I don’t know where I will end up or when will I come to a closure. I know of nothing no more, not certain of anything as I go not even sure if i care how it all ends, I just hope it ends; all of it. I never thought love could bring such despair, but I’m sure it does. A black tree on a river shore slowly drips poison into the streaming water down hill to a bright green meadow. Curses of a blessing and tears of joy, blinding light and too much goodness. Wisdom comes with more burdens and right brings pain. Why does it all seem so bad? and why does all good come out of all that is wretched and sad? I have become silent when I learned, quiet when I understood, mute when I perceived. And so I open my grip to that which I though would preserve my life as I flow, rush and go with the torrent. This time I let you go.. still, you will never understand.
January 27, 2009 | Categories: Emotions, Metaphoric | Leave A Comment »
No Sugar
Apparently life has become severely misshapen into a concrete lockup with wires for air and electricity for food. Men have become slaves to their own dreams, and freedom turned to be just the autonomy of ones lockup. Ironic how the natural views light up our computers and open our appetite for more time on our desks.
Today I had a walk under the bright moonlight, it’s been a while now since I last saw the skies, trees and those dangling leaves. I found a lot of things there, all sorts of beauty and splendor. Meditating as I walked along I met someone I haven’t seen for a long time.. God.
Reviewing the past and what I went through I then realized that the greatest curse that the people are bound to is “City Life”. It is nothing different than that movie “The Matrix”. People are nothing different than machines no more. It’s one of those heart breaking truths.
I don’t expect to meet God again in captivity, I know where He is now. In nature, within the creatures He had pleasure to mold and the beings He delights in. Those silent trees praise him louder than churches today, night and day they do. That breeze proclaims His message way much more than a thousand missionary, The earth speaks of wisdom far beyond our philosophers and teachers. Man is such an ignorant thing, in his eyes he doesn’t know he is a part of all this beauty. Man fights, destroys and hosts all evil within his heart. Man hurts man and isolates himself from all other creatures and being including the Creator. Man, who was created for all this glory is now a pot spilling down the shame.
Today I saw more than I learnt, I felt all that I wasn’t been told about. I will take a trip and I don’t care where it will lead me.
January 9, 2009 | Categories: Emotions, Journal, Metaphoric, Spiritual, Thoughts | Leave A Comment »
Absolute
Tell me one thing that is forever, something that will never change. Speak to me a word that would last forever or sing me a song that will always entertain. Show me a face that doesn’t bore, a day to live for. Look me in the eye and tell me how beautiful you are. Prove to me if you were the strongest, the toughest or the cutest. Affirm to me your wealth, power or influence. Stand this instance and tell me One Thing that would hold its ground tomorrow without the slightest of a change. Look at your beauty, day by day I will watch it whither away, Count your money for tomorrow it’s all been spent away. Show off your power today for someday it will pass on to another. Ha! Be the strongest, the cutest or the wealthiest, Be anything I don’t care for whatever you have will never last. All you hang on to and all you cherish will go. All that you are, All you have been will never be forever.
I have seen no face of man that stood still against my words, none would pass my test, neither man nor else. All have fallen short but ONE.
Of HIM, I dare not speak but in riddles. For even if I used all languages they still would be deficient. No earth tongue could communicate such knowledge and thus I shall speak not. HIM who never changed since forever, HIM who bends time and shapes life with the flow of HIS breath. HIM who created freedom and them free rebelled, them who see things upside down. I challenge the living for I speak of HIS Spirit, of words I dare not write out of my own desire, words that scare me to even think about. But I was given permission to reveal.
August 2, 2008 | Categories: Metaphoric, Spiritual, Thoughts | Leave A Comment »
That absurd choice (2)
Years ago I left home on a quest and a journey far away from home. Away from my comfort and familiar zone I walked; step by step the distance grew so far that I now do not know see the past any more when I look over my shoulder. I am one of the few visionaries left to wander across the swirls of time. One of those who follow whispers and faint voices, signs and marks of time. I meditate on ancient wisdom, one was given to man by the grace of the Giver, Him, the Sole Maker of all beings. And though I go like fools sometimes yet He guides my steps. I look like a fool to the fools, wise to the wise and crazy to the needy in heart yet no one knows how do I make it happen. They all wonder how I go this far, where no one expected me to. I speak highly of myself because I am happy. Though stricken by all sorts of torments yet I witness that plant grow before me. Observing every little detail of its change. To some I waste my time, to others I am the waste of time, but in me I know who and what I am. I am not dream chaser, nor am I disillusioned. I cant hold words with my hands and touch those whispers, I was given to see beyond the eyes and beneath skin, through matter and along time. As much as I am given, a lot is required of me. I chose to accept the call along with the burden that comes along with it. I might have chosen a normal life, a fun fun fun sad sometimes beat but I chose something else, the different adventure that would form me a very different type of hero. I worry not. My Writer knows how this story will end.
July 29, 2008 | Categories: Emotions, Metaphoric, Spiritual, Thoughts | Leave A Comment »
Doing or not
I lie because my words of truth end up nowhere. I decided to cover them up into the sheets of time and space, Never changing what is true but keeping it off those blinded eyes. The is no place in their minds to hear my faithful whispers and there is not a chance there would ever be. Those seek posters and head lines, figuring out books by them covers but i have no cover and no poster. My eyes hide so much and they do not show a thing but some sense it within the tones of my voice and those who knew me long enough to find out what I conceal. And yet I choose to keep it all inside where they belong. My secrets belong to myself where I alone would keep them from public exposition. It’s really hard cause a secret has a very high potential to be shared and is like hot cakes to the ears, but after that it turns to be a scandal then a reputation is ruined. Just like a woman, when young she wants to be loved and whenever she finds the right mate she gets pregnant after that she gives birth to another being. No wonder why women like secrets for it is only a reflection to themselves. A man is different, a trouble maker an initializer, a change maker, a creator. He starts it all and regrets every little thing he does though it was his initial will. I regret all the things I have done for all I did was evil and wicked an nothing was pure that came out of me. But for all the good that came out of me I know it wasn’t me. He Is a Spirit that longs to do good through me. Whenever I surrender to Him Spirit, All that I do turns to be good. Maybe I’m mistaken but I don’t think so. Whenever I take things into my own hands and will they turn to be the most wicked thing ever. Test yourself and see my words to be true. Surrender and see. Maybe I should do that myself.
July 22, 2008 | Categories: Emotions, Metaphoric, Thoughts | Leave A Comment »
He was
He gently pushes the door open, slowly he runs his eyes across the busy cafe. It is loud with music and chitchats of teens and young people. He heads to his favorite stool at the corner, facing those big window that views the narrow busy street. He puts his bag, climbs up the stool and starts looking outside the window, people walking, couples and cars. reflections showing the people behind his back. His eyes get lost in those intersecting images. His mind is not clear for his heart is troubled. He has a question that only one could answer. He knows that looking for the answer would risk him his dearest. He doesn’t take risks any more. Like war veterans he chose to wear his last war outfit. Though it never covers his old scars, it yet honors his sacred duty. He is the most awarded for giving himself up for those who never new his name, and even those who did, yet forgot. A man could stay locked in the peek of his time, a moment where the world ended for him, where eternity touched that instance of time. A moment when the sound of his heartbeats sound no more. Turning points could be the end of a man’s life sometime. He is what he was.
July 8, 2008 | Categories: Emotions, Journal, Metaphoric, Thoughts | Leave A Comment »
Define me
Today, Driving by on the main stream bridge in the usually busy city of Cairo. I passed by a car with a young couple in it. The guy was busy trying to avoid his car getting bumped again while the young lady leaned back and rested her head and was far asleep. She was sweating and so uncomfortable, I could tell that as I passed by and saw her eyebrows quarreling together. And then I came back inside the walls of my mind and asked myself. Why? Why does life turn to be such a vesicle of tragedy? I had images of suffering and unease show in my mind. Why would one choose to live with another? Why pay the price? Why do? Why be? Why live? why breathe? Why suffer? Why Struggle? What is it that pushes you to live? And why Dream?! How come people are restless? Who has the answers? Who plants the questions within? It’s so silly I write all this even.
“Life is a tragedy” said Lady Fantasy
“Fantasy is unrealistic” said Life
“Both of you make me who I am” said sir Tragedy
Marriage is such a scary decision. Commitment is such a burden. Loneliness is far more worse, It pushes two to make a scary decision and endure such burden. Whoever falls into the web of loneliness gets addicted to the daydreams of fantasy. Life is instability and constant change, Life? What is it? What is death? If a soul lives forever, then is there really something called death? If there is no death, then what is Life now? Or is death just another level of life? Another place for eternity? What is everything? Who am i?
I guess it all boils down to that last question.. Who am I? What am I? Define me
July 7, 2008 | Categories: Emotions, Journal, Metaphoric, Spiritual, Thoughts | Leave A Comment »
Mercy Beyond
Lit with sulfurous blaze of hate and division they quarreled amongst each other in a useless attempt proving their nonsense points of views might be worth something. A generation lost within its own selfishness, dragged by its peggy desires into a dry pit of desolation. The seed their fathers sowed, brought up a dry thorny shoot. Their mothers conceived shame for their reputation. Punishment lies within the folds of the crime and no one, No One escapes justice. The winding ways of justice ends up with a feather sensitive scale that weighs all hearts of men and judges all according to a divine and delicate measure. Yet not one sets his eyes up to gather those fruits of such absolution that folds either release or indebtedness. A black marble or a white one, which would you choose young man? Should I lock you up till your debt is due or should you choose life? Why do you blindfold your eyes? Is the light too bright to see? Or is your lusting imagination a better place to be? Choose whatever you may, from the scales of life you shall go nowhere. What you shoot shall hunt you and what you spare one day will save you. I have shown you the ways of life and the pits of death, I have made the light clear as well as the darkness so that you wont have an excuse to hang on to when the curve of time straightens and the tales of man on this earth come to an end.
Choose life, and live.
June 12, 2008 | Categories: Metaphoric, Spiritual, Thoughts | Leave A Comment »
In wait of an appointed time
It’s been long since I tapped in my feeling into this cold cyber world of nonsense. God I’m so rude! Sorry I’m just not feeling well. Spring, my favorite season of depression in Egypt. Spring here is mostly like summer but even worse, It’s also comes up with southern sand storms that are so terrible.
The Kingdom of Egypt is so struck in the spiritual realm by spirits of stupidity and lust. And I thought Egypt was a pure place but really it is not. I guess after my trip to New York city I know this is a bloody mess here. Anyway, my dream stands but hardly holds on to faith.
O God, O God; why did you show me that vision? Like you said to John, It would be sweet in your mouth but bitter inside you. O Yes, it sure is! How sweet were the words, the promises and the hope, but it’s so bitter to live for such fulfillment day by day. After such knowledge, reality becomes worse and life becomes unbearable, a burden and a very heavy yoke. And You LORD, You know. You have made me in such a way and changed my form in such a manner that puzzles my understanding. You know what You have put inside me, That which I don’t understand but know so well. You know what triggers me and have set a time for me to do what I should. What I saw and what I long for. If it was not for that Bitter Sweet Purpose I wouldn’t have come here and if You ever take it away from my book then put me to sleep with my fathers. I shall not ask for the time nor for You to rush things up for I know such knowledge is for You and is sealed from the ears of men. And though You pierce me, I shall wait. I know all will be in it’s due time. All will be.
March 20, 2008 | Categories: Emotions, Journal, Metaphoric, Spiritual, Thoughts | Leave A Comment »
Earth
I am seriously starting to hate this planet. Nations lead by gamblers and people driven by lunacy. Really tired of retarded minds and carnal cultures. I hate everything and everyone, all that I see and hear. I am sick of what I sense and touch, all that I taste and smell. Nothing is new and nothing is good. I believe it’s so scary for people to believe we might be the only specie in this universe! Imagine, the disappointment all the UFO believers would feel when they know that all the life in this universe is our responsibility! Imagine the burden of the responsibility the leaders of this world would feel. How many dreams would shatter knowing that there is no place to live beyond earth. Imagine the rage and panic environmentalists would go through trying to clean up earth. Haa! Sometimes the human race hopes in some fiction story in hope that one day we would skin out our pains and fears. Why do I care?! I don’t! the only problem is that all this world’s filth has gotten into me.
February 21, 2008 | Categories: Emotions, Metaphoric, Thoughts | Leave A Comment »
A Whispering Dead.
I have become so thin, so pale and faint. I am an image of smoke, a whisper and a still scent. My color is not to be defined and my taste is so mild. I am, am not. I drink and am drunk. I long to fly and yes I do. I was pierced and torn and scarred, pressed down and crushed. My breath was squeezed out of me, my life was snatched and pulled away. All that I am was buried long ago, alive I was but time outrun me. I was forced to dissolve, pushed to be consumed by nature and forced to disperse my being into the stillness of the soil. Roots sucked me in and I was no more.
The Life I saw and the way I went turned me into something, not someone. Stripped me of my identity and deleted my name. I became nothing, yet i am. Though I was blindfolded, chained, castrated, torn apart and burnt to carbon, reduced to my elements; I go to places no one can, I talk and listen to secrets few know about, I breed an offspring that no one can seize, I move things nothing else can. I am no ghost but yes I have become one.
I brag, to him who reads, but deep inside I mean it not. If my heart was ever felt, pride wouldn’t be found there. But how could it be ever felt? It’s so faint like a smoking thread, of a whispering dead.
February 6, 2008 | Categories: Emotions, Journal, Metaphoric, Thoughts | Leave A Comment »
Prey
“Nice animal, after the pursuit, after the chase and the hunt, could be very useful. Let’s stretch its skin and make some sort of drums or maybe some shoes. Lets take isn’t muscles and turn them into some fat and burn it for some food, Lets use its intestines to make some strings and bands, Nice bones, we could use them to kill more of its kind!” said the hunters.
“They killed me” said the deceased prey.
January 17, 2008 | Categories: Journal, Metaphoric | Leave A Comment »
Scrambled thoughts
Years, I spent wandering in this puzzling, wondering what’s the rule or the law that binds it all together. Looking for the one in a million million instance when all those rules break apart where supernatural things happen. What’s love? And what’s life? Are we meant to live a random life where love and marriage is just another trick or treat? Is love a feeling or a meaning or a motive? Is love a spiritual gift or is it just another satisfaction of needs and habits? In this life, are we all meant to be heroes? Or just some anonymous background roles. Do others exist or is it just me?
For a while now I have been separated from my senses, I do what I hate and forget what I need, to live. All my words make perfect sense if one knows the clew. and the Clew is always in time and place. My hand pulses as my nerves are over stressed. I want to hide somewhere where it’s quiet. Solitude is a warm blessing sometimes in a busy demanding life.
It’s been couple of days, didn’t talk with God for a while, something in me is not alright. Maybe because of the now career I have begun. Starting over when I am almost Thirty! Will I make it somewhere? Will I see the vision fulfilled? Tired, so tired. Exhausted and beat. My body kills itself and my brain wastes itself, my life slips out of my hands and my breath cease. I have lost the warmth of life as I froze my inner feelings. HE said “go & do” and I went and did, but the price was so dear. Sometimes HE shows dreams and visions so bright and pretty, so good but the price is not always like so. Most of the time, a Life is paid in ransom. A slow and painful death is the only way to make sure other lives flourish.
Die seed die. you shall then live, and even if you don’t others shall. You, little seed are good weather you win or loose a fight for your breath and sunshine. If you die you feed a worm and if you live you feed a man, then the worm but surface and the birds get you. I saw you swollen, I saw you rapturing, I sow some hope when your step pushed up. I saw some little roots, but will I live to see the fruits? O life of mine, when will you shine. When will you show, and what I believed would grow? When will I reach the end to what I started? The purpose of what I was granted? Sweet sweet day will I see your dawn? will the masks of your mysteries be blown? Will you come and stay, or leave and take me away? Spin O Earth and spin, release the power within, let today go away and bring tomorrow to the bay. I lived for tomorrow so long that I don’t feel time. As if someone stole my rhyme. Don’t misunderstand me for one who grumbles or whines, I love my life, but I miss so much.
A vision is a blessing but it pushes its seer to a loop darkness. One sees the bright sunlight then enters a dark room sees nothing but is blinded by what he saw. Science speak words of knowledge to be fathomed by the wise in heart. The wise knows things that Intellectuals may not link together. For the knowledge and understanding of time is half the wisdom. Recognizing the time and foreseeing beyond is only given and not taken. The ancient wise man knew that and testified that the peeks of wisdom are the fear of God. Any wise man would confirm, but the proud would desperately argue, but the words of the wise stand tall through the test of time not the proof of words.
Swinging between the peeks of wisdom and the pits of ignorance. But within me is a will and a determination, a persistent heart that keeps me sleepless and crying out loud with unquenchable pitch of thirst that is never fulfilled but by the springs of God.
My words cease.
January 8, 2008 | Categories: Emotions, Metaphoric, Spiritual, Thoughts | Leave A Comment »
Waves of that bright sun
I sailed endlessly in that golden sea of light, with its waves so curvy yet so tender. pearls of white sparkle underneath its secrets. Beautiful red fish swim in one accord together like well trained dancers. I saw those beautiful eyes looking down on me, like twin planets of amazing hallows around them. I paused and wondered, where was I? I found out I was lost in the sea of your beauty.
Tribute to a gorgeous woman who I dearly cherish.
December 1, 2007 | Categories: Emotions, Metaphoric | Leave A Comment »
Remembering
Tired, so tired. So much thoughts flow within my mind, like a wild mountain torrent, gushing water violently with rocks and pebbles. Something touches me within the sounds of nature, sounds of music and singing. The world of visuals have changed us dumb and alone. My single mind wildly rages against all the limits I have chosen as a safety zone, I drift in dangerous lands. Careful, that bear just lost her cubs. I don’t expect to be understood for I don’t expect a reader. What the hell is wrong with life? why is it going so wrong? Or is it that I was taught faulty about life and the balance of it. I wait and wait, till I die to know the truth. I don’t believe the words of men any more, I reached that point where I see naked people, or should I say “People; naked” Motives, desires, needs and strength points. I have become so pale as a spirit, so transparent as a thought. You can hurt me with your breath and disperse my existence as a rising smoke. I am tired of all others, I find not myself with people, cause all that people want is themselves and not the other. Though I care about the people, they take but never give. A selfish globe that I wish I could leave right now, but Life, I was given; and Life, I live. The puke of my mind makes me more sick of myself, the sores of my heart grew beyond the size of it. Yes, I feel alone. People are just numbers when each count one. But where are you who count others along with yourself? Where is this being that reaches a hand for another? A romantic dream to find someone like so. someone who still remembers, still longs for that long buried secret of life. The source of warmth and light.. Do u still remember love? Do you?
November 27, 2007 | Categories: Metaphoric, Spiritual, Thoughts | Leave A Comment »
The Dream!
Walking along the unstopping roads of time, all through the hills of triumph and the valleys of weakness, around the borders of the never drying seas and the dehydrated deserts, over the mountains and beneath the caves. Now I stop to look back, I see all I have been through, all that I past and all that has past by me. And though I still am in the middle of nowhere, I still have something within me that keeps me going on. I see nothing for I am surrounded by the fog of the variables of the future, Though those variables are very well calculated and previously set to be in a delicate and particular form, the picture forms with time and in time it will be another clear skies. I admit I have no hope, But I have faith. A kind of faith that exists when all hope vanishes. A kind of Faith that doesn’t need hope, neither feelings nor sanity. A faith that is counted lunacy and dismissed as foolishness. Yes, if you call it foolishness then I am proud to be one. I don’t mind no more, I yet follow the Voice that woke me up one day from my dead sleep, That Voice that shook the dreams off my mind, Woke me up from my sleep to open my eyes to a Dream, Like nothing I ever imagined possible nor even fantasized about, A dream, My eyes are open wide and yet I can see. A dream that robbed me out of all other joys of life and rendered everything else in my life shallow and gloomy. A dream that placed me where I was supposed to be, consumed me like I was meant to, drifted me where I should have! To the ends of this earth I went, back and forth and God knows how many miles I shall walk more. I shall, Though for now I wait.. Still I hold on.
The day It was revealed to me I took it and claimed it mine, For which fool is he to leave a diamond that was granted freely to him? and who would not chase a rolling golden coin down the stairs? I found much much more than any living being could ever conceive! I shall not step back, ever! I became nothing and my dream became me, I became a dream, I live the dream, for it and by it! For It was the pleasure of Him to form me as I am for a reason, a vision and a dream. I am glad to live it and die within its chapters. It’s an honor to be mentioned within its tales and stories and to be counted within its riddles.
Back to my senses now, I feel that cool spring breeze slip along my face with scents of the first fruits. Though I don’t know how far I must go or how long it will take for me to reach it, My heart fills with joy. It beats a happy rhythm, careless, reckless and spontaneous. I don’t care, I don’t exist no more and I don’t want to, count me dead or never been! Who cares? I don’t and I am happy now, Happy when I am no more, Happy when I am gone, Happy to be a frame and an embodiment of Another. Given promises, trained, set and well prepared. All that I am is for this, and this is for greater good, for Else and yes for me. Me that is no more.
Either if I still breath or if I don’t need it, I open my eyes and I see the dream, I see a different light, I see a beautiful Dawn. Secrets of the Ancient Days, News of the New Era. I see and know what my tongue is forbid to speak clearly about. Peace be to all, Love and Joy beyond measure. My heart is like a little child, I can’t express can’t explain. Can’t explain why a flower finds joy to loose its beauty to become a fruit and a seed, to die and become another, same as its own kind. Nothing is in my hands now, now stick, no gold, not even another robe. I have nothing and yet I own everything, with authority over many. I need none, but that silky dream. That smooth transparent vision of a distant future that grows unnoticed within the beats of the moment. Although I had to die for it to be, I see myself within its pages. It’s much more better to live within than to live without. The price has been paid and still is, every step, every thorn, every heartache, every sacrifice and every goodbye. Now, though I have never seen its fullest, I say.. it’s worth it, No regrets what so ever. New I am for another trip and another walk, another danger, another challenge, another cut, another and another, I don’t care. My hands wont let go, I hold on.. to the dream!
September 25, 2007 | Categories: Metaphoric, Spiritual, Thoughts | Leave A Comment »
Pygmalion, uncarved yet.
The silent surface of the pool was so celestial I couldn’t resist flowing into it with my thoughts and mind as the water that drifts within its smoothly sliding current. There is much more beauty within the dead and the nonliving. Stones so real solid unchanging beauty more than the years of the loved ones. Make me a beauty out of marble, make her smooth, place her well. Make that statue for me, may the hands of the maker form her well. Blameless and flawless may she be.. But please don’t give her life, don’t open her eyes, nor revive her mind, keep her still, leave her there. Unspoilt and unbroken. Solitude is hers forever, not loneliness but a peaceful silent stable state of mind and heart, let her inclination be towards the dying seed of eternal life. I, given to make and change, given to create and destroy, to start and end, given a key and authority. The dying seed of eternal life was in me and yet to be and beyond it shall be. Where is the land that would be blessed by what is within me? where is this fruitful woman that will bear what I have and carry what I shall give, Am I not all that I give? Shall I not give all I was given? I shall not keep any for myself for I was called and I follow the voice of that call, Even if I don’t hear it, I follow what I heard and what I already know. I follow through valleys of death, I have dwelt between my enemies more than the days I dwelt within the arms of my loved ones. Spirit! and What Spirit! Isn’t it the Spirit of the Most High? Wasn’t His power within me? And still is! Called to fulfill an ancient quest and to finish the work many has started and striven to continue. Yet Time is not here, not now, It has been and will come to be. Mold her a beauty, beyond all beauty ever witnessed, Make her fairness beyond all accurate measurements of man. Make her a bride! Make her a wife and a Mother full of grace and wonder. I have spoken of wonders beyond my humane, beyond my knowledge, beyond my dreams. Spoken and will speak, who will listen? Who will understand? who will reveal the secrets and riddles of my words? No mind will unlock those seals and no heart will feel their content. Only with the Spirit of Him, only for the given. On time. Bathed in fire I was and yes, the fire still flames within my inner being. The same fire that brings me life, that keeps me going, one day will consume me to my destiny and to my path where I long to end and reach it’s prize. Look not at me, I am just a word, I was uttered with life, I was given but I am not the Giver! I am not but HE IS! Who am I? Yes, I am much, and more and yet, nothing.
I want to write more, much more, I want you to hear and see and stand in the light again. My child where have you gone to? Why so far you wandered? Why for so long? Am I not your father who loved you? Am I not your friend who laughed with you? Was I not He who supported you to Live? Was I not who gave you Love? Talk sense to me and tell me when did I leave you and where did I forsake you? Remind me once of anything that I let happen to you that wasn’t for your ultimate benefit, you before anyone else and yet it was for every one’s good! Talk to me about that which you think would make me regret anything I ever done or let happen to you. I know that silence will be your wisest answer and it shall be for you know that all you have which bothers you is your bitterness and childish selfishness. Son, its time you grow and it’s time you leave those childhood days. It’s time to be strong and stand up! It’s time to carry my yoke and do my work. Battles are for men, and war is for those who can carry their shields. Lest your feet are firm and your shoulders are strong, you shall fall. Up you go, Get up! Be strong and I shall make you stronger, you shall fight by your father’s side for I shall not leave you alone, you shall not fall nor stumble. I have never left you before and I shall never leave you, Ever!
September 20, 2007 | Categories: Metaphoric, Spiritual | Leave A Comment »
Crestfallen
Too tired, my existing heart drained out, can’t speak or make a familiar noise; can hardly whisper. My voice so faint I can hardly hear what my lips tell. Noisy land is where I live, people coming, others going, all are running. Fuel is how they get their energy, some fest on sex and others feed on romance. Tragedy is a drive and I am sick bored of that old soap opera, that ancient TV frame. Life is a lucid dream, and apparently we all want it a tragedy. My mind is so annoyed it will explode! My mind is so annoyed it will explode! My mind is so annoyed it will explode! Damn it will explode! I can’t take their noises any more can’t take it no more, can’t! What happened to peace? what happened to what we called “communication” where is the “comm (common)” and “uni (one)” in the way we connect with each other?! What happened to my family and yours? I sit here as I watch my home from a far, dark and open place, I watch the windows and the lights, late at night. I squeezed some music in my ears and watched. The sky above is so quiet, stars are still, but down here, it’s so loud, so vulgar chaotic. I feel so distant and so isolated, like I don’t belong.. Yes, again that old feeling. My difference is so great I can’t find a resemblance between my fathers and me but the skin I am wrapped in. Who am I? Why am I stuck in here? Will I live? or will I die? In Sinai where I am at the moment, Lot of people died here long ago, now they live and love. Where am I? Lost in a fallen land, in a dazed community, in a flood of contradictions! So tired, Mind so tired, So sick of the lies and disguise. So sick of that fake smile in your eyes. Go away, I need to be alone, I am happy on my own. Just go, let me be, let me breath, let my eyes see. Don’t bother me with memories of you, I have a future and I have a lot to do. Just go and don’t come back, I don’t need you to waste my moment as you wasted all my past. You taught my heart sadness and gloom while life is all about joy, and spring bloom. I go, no more lingering behind, I have a train to catch and I will not miss it this time. I hear the call and I will follow, I will leave you my robe and my belts, Hold me not, let me be, just go, I am set free..
September 16, 2007 | Categories: Metaphoric, Thoughts | Leave A Comment »
Lover behind the wall..
Pursuing a blind destination, my feet walk restless. On the tower of my head, my eyes watch and warn my mind silently. Mind drugged into its mad dance after my wild emotions that gone out of control long time ago. Damn! what am I writing? Am I not the lover I used to be? Who am I? My human side was buried along the sands of loneliness long ago when I thought I was in love, Stabbed a hundred times and betrayed a million! Oh I remember those days when my arms were open wide hugging life, when a smile was tattooed on my dancing heart. Day by day they poured acid onto my heart, pierced it and ripped it off my chest. That was the best song ever written, let him die, let him go. They sang it with all their breaths. With all their might and all the life within them. Now I went out to the markets and to the roads, I put on my mask and gave my love for free to the daughters of the philistines and the women of Canaan, They accepted me in their homes, brought water for my feet and food for my body. They saw the gold in my hands and the sweetness of my tongue and listened carefully, they treasured my words and dwelt on promises. They flew to the clouds and danced in the fields. They begged me to stay and held me, never letting go. And you O daughter of Israel, what have you done? O you ample of my eyes, you life of my heart where have you gone? For years I have knocked at your doors, I left you traces of me and my fragrance everywhere you went. I bribed the roses to remind you of my love, I have called the trees to mark my name, I smelted the metal and gathered the pearls from the blackness of the depth just for you. And so? You hardened your heart, Petrified your veins and frozen your eyes. You set high your walls and thickened your doors, moved your tents and covered your traces. If I was a beast of mischief or a man of iniquity wouldn’t the scale of justice find a sentence for me? Wouldn’t the cage and the sword hunt me? But I was counted with the wicked and numbered with your enemies and no fault or deceit lied within my being. I stretched my hand with peace and love to you, smiled with hope and spoken of a promise. Built you a home, created you a future, look up in the heavens as look at the plans I have for you. Sadly you turned away and pursued the drunken dreams of your ignorant heart. You followed the trend, expecting me to bend. Thinking my arm could be twisted and my mind could be changed you tried to dress me in your mediocre fantasies. Your plans were so small I didn’t fit in them, your dreams were so selfish I wasn’t counted within them. How many times did I wake you up from your drunkenness, many more have I covered your nakedness and all the time I was there for you and I never brought you to justice nor put you on trial. Though you have wronged me so much, my love for you was far beyond your sins. What was my crime that you would sin against me? Am I guilty of love? Or is it that you are red-handed double-crossing betrayer? You have split your heart and fooled your mind. You learned the ways of deceivers and followed the paths of the wicked. You looked within you for a god, crowned yourself on a throne and expected all to worship you. You set your seat in the midst of the stars and waited for everything to roam around you. You looked at me and waited for me to take my place in your foolish imaginary world. Ha! O look at you now? you sit within the dirt, you crown yourself Queen of nonsense and Mistress of vain! You open your eyes and yet you can’t see. You talk to yourself cause there is no one there to answer you. All that you have built and all you have done is only in your head. And yet I still knock, behind the fences, doors and walls.. Wake up my love.. wake up my dear.. wake.. up.
September 5, 2007 | Categories: Metaphoric, Spiritual | Leave A Comment »
Kareem
